dear life

I AM LOSER

2011-05-08T06:15:00.000-07:00

what you gonna do when you have no enough money... but you have a lot of stuff and someone ask you out?

what you gonna do when the person you think can love you but finally scream and scold you everyday without any reason...

what is the best you can do?

are you gonna move out and pick all stuffs?

are you gonna run away back to your parents house?

but i have no mother.. i had one father with his new life.. father that i cant even share my story with...

and where should i go?

should i ask God take my life so i have new place to go??

KALAU SEJUTA KALI BOLEH

2011-05-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

kalau sejuta kali boleh, aku memang nak keluar pun dari rumah nih.. kau tak payah suruh atau sergah-sergah aku. tak payah maki hamun aku macam aku bodoh sangat... kau boleh cakap macam biasa... cakap macam manusia plastic.. suruh aje aku kluar, boleh aje aku buat..

kenkadang bila aku ingat semua sms dan bbm tu.. aku macam tak tahu aku nih isteri sah lagi atau tak.. aku dah delete message tu semua.. kalau kau send semua tu lagi, aku rasa memang patut lah aku nih pergi pejabat agama...

seorang ibu tak sanggup menasihati seorang anak untuk mengelak kan anak derhaka.. seorang isteri, yang tak punya kuasa.. masih bodoh duduk sebumbung walaupun ada hak untuk bersuara..

kalau sejuta kali boleh, aku nak keluar selama-lamanya dari rumah nih.. kalau sejuta kali boleh, aku nak putar dunia nih, supaya aku tak pernah kenal binatang macam kau!!

MY HOUSE NOT A CAGE NOT EVEN ZOO

2011-04-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

I'M CLEANING THE HOUSE COZ I WANTED TO LAY DOWN AT FLOOR, WALKING NAKED AT EVERY CORNER... I WANTED THE HOUSE LOOK LIKE A CASTEL FOR ME AND EVERYBODY. BUT I HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP EVERYDAY EVEN I HAVE ROOM MATE, HE SEEM LIKE A BIG BOSS NEVER CARE AND BOTHER TO GIVING A HAND... PRAY TO GOD THAT SOMETHING MIRACLE TO BREAK THE TELIVISION OR THE LAPPY COZ I AM SO SICK FACING HIM AT HOME!!! ;( OH DEAR LORD, I KNOW YOU LISTENING TO ME... I HOPE YOU CAN CHANGE MY HUSBAND. I JUST TOO TIRED CLEAN UP EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING HE LEFT WENT I'M OUT FOR WORK. I AM SO SICK GOING HOME SAW HIM AT COUCH LAY DOWN, SMOKING, EATING SNACK AND WATCHING MOVIE AT THE BIG SCREEN...DO YOU MIND TO SEND THE THUNDER THAT CAN MAKE HIS BIG SCREEN DAMAGE. SO THAT MIGHT BE, HE WILL GIVE HAND TO ME.. ;( (finger cross)

HUSBAND

2011-04-03T06:38:00.000-07:00

husband

the one you gonna ask for help

the one you gonna help till nothing bare you

the one will hug and cuddle you anytime even you hate it

the one always be next to you even you don't need it

husband

most importand person you gonna share your life

most loving man you wanted even he not like Jude Law

most room mate you miss when he not around

husband

you will cried for you will die for

you gonna hate but not so long

husband

that i always pray that he love me everyday

that i wish he know who i am

that i hope that he the best than other people around me

but husband...

he not just above, he sometime somehow more evil than murder!!!!

Jar Of Hearts by Christina Perri

2011-02-13T20:47:00.000-08:00

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And learn to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

FREE

2011-02-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

the life you talk about is.. life without me exist in
the life you wanted so badly is, the life between you,friends,family and career...
and there is no i in that life you talked about..

help me coz i am lost...

2011-01-02T05:26:00.000-08:00

how are you? did you fine? hows your day? did you miss me? did you doing fine out from me? huh...i have a lot question in my mind till i have no idea how to talk about it... i miss the conversation we had before.. conversation before we married.. seems like i stop knowing you and so do you...

i did read all old sms and chat msg did you send to me.. i did remember what you done before.. what ever you gave me.. what ever you promise me..i do remember..i do keep in my mind. but just of sudden.. i don't like to talk and show i am remember that..

i choose you coz i believe that you gonna love me till end of my life. you the one love me, crazy about me, will call me if you cant hear my voice one day, will find any solution to meet me.. and now, i don't see the man anymore..

how cant you love me like before. how cant you just love who i am? why don't you be next to me even i'm down and sick. why don't you say yes on me even i'm the one doing wrong...i miss you, i means..i miss the real you.. did everything end?? are we end this??

i'm married!

2010-12-06T12:25:00.001-08:00

if you could see me

2009-04-05T08:34:00.000-07:00

i walked again.. passing everything you had before.. i almost forgot how do you smell like.. i let my self lie down at the living room.. the place that you always sleep while watch football.. tried to remember what you said about this house.. walk out and stand again at the balcony.. replacing my self to be you.. yes, i found the noise.. the noise make me get angry and mad when we talk every night before you sleep.. before you out for dinner.. opened the store.. i stand and look for the rubbish that people made in there.. i saw your photo. the photo remind me about us.. how can i over you when remembering you is the most lovely thing i ever had in my life... how can i kiss him when i was thinking the hot kiss from you? how can i laugh if your laugh is the most i miss? how can i sleep without silent if the pillow its not your arm.. if you could see me.. i wanna say good bye even its hurt me, even its killing me, even we hate the words so much.. if you could see me, i wanna give you good bye kiss, good bye hug.. i wanna see you go till you look small than basically. what should i tell him when he ask me who the one i miss the most? what should i say when he ask me can i be the loyal and love him only? what i suppose to tell this world that i'm currently out with someone but my mind is only think about you? i'm scared...scared to over you... i'm scared, scared to forget your sweet smell.. i am so scared, scared if god take my memories of you... i do scared.. and i'm not ready.. again, i am sick..coz i miss you like hell.. i just know that i am sick now days coz missing you... thats all! if you could see me...

PERSONALITY TEST @ QUIZ BOX

2009-03-14T00:58:00.000-07:00

Type the names of five different persons that you know and associate with the following colors, one person for one color:

Yellow	please answer

Orange	please answer

Red	please answer

White	please answer

Green	please answer
Here is the analysis: The one who will never forget you is IBRAHIM. The one who you can consider as your real friend is AIMAN. The one you really love is SUZIE. This may be your soul mate: SAQAR. The one you will remember for the rest of your life is ESAM. p/s: hahahhaha.. surprise.. i just simply peak this quiz and fill up the name coz the color remind me of them.. ermm.. i just cant accept the soul mate.. i guess no body know about him.. only me and GOD. if he da one.. i might be late go to work everyday!

TAG~

2009-02-25T01:01:00.000-08:00

Been tagged from BAI.. Since i lost my note book, the only computer i had is belong from VADS. So, i'm gonna complete her tag using my computer at work. Lucky got own work place. So i do have own folder here... Thanx BAI!

RULES

Go to your photos folder in your computer
Go to the 6th folder of photos.
Go to the 6th picture in that folder.
Put the picture on your blog and description of it.
Invite six friends to join the challenge.
Link them in your blog and let them know they have been challenged.

hahahaha.... sowie!!!!!!!!!! too much photo of him in my folder now days... hahahahaha... who is him? i guess all of u knew that. let me introduce who is him.. he is edward cullen in my vampire's life. the best, the cool, the smart, the lovely vampire i ever know... this photo taken when he shoot on Twilight's movie. nothing can discribe him more coz my feeling cant be figure out how much i want him and let him transfer the venom to my body.. if i can choose what kind of life i want.. i'm gonna say, i wanna be in his life. if i can choose who is the one i wanna married, i wanna say.. he is the one i want... if i just can change being human to vampire, i would like him do that for me... no doubt!

the victim is:-
mumu jaan
aiman baby
fifi
lixam nixam
hid don't lie
cece~

US AGAINST THE WORLD

2009-02-22T19:29:00.000-08:00

If the sun shuts down and decided not to shine no more
I would still have you, baby
If we see the last day and they say we gotta go to war
I'll be fighting with you, baby
Cause I know if I'm falling, you won't let me hit the ground
If the boat is sinking, I know you won't let me drown

No matter what anyone could say
This is the only place for me
And no one could ever take that away
Nothing could come between us

If the sun shuts down and decided not to shine no more (No more)
I would still have you, you, you, you, you, you, you
If we see the last day and they say we gotta go to war (To War)
I'll be fighting with you, you, you, you, you
Because it's us against the world
The world, the world
You know it's us against the world
The world, the world, ohh

Now if I'm lost at sea 7 days I'm not alone
If I'm holding you, you, you, you, you
And if it all end's, everybody in the world is gone
I'll be standing with you, baby

And if it's the last breath I take
I'll leave my kiss my with you
If there's a wall between us, baby
I know I'll break through

No matter what anyone could say
This is the only place for me
And no one could ever take that away
Nothing could come between us

If the sun shuts down and decided not to shine no more (No more)
I would still have you, you, you, you, you, you, you
If we see the last day and they say we gotta go to war (To War)
I'll be fighting with you, you, you, you, you
Because it's us against the world

Nothing's stronger now than you and I
Cause your love is all I got
And this ain't never gon' stop
No, whoa
There's no distance here when we're apart
Come on in from the cold
Lay your head on my shoulder
Ride like a soldier
I'm a stay right here

If the sun shuts down and decided not to shine no more (No more)
I would still have you, you, you, you, you, you, you
If we see the last day and they say we gotta go to war (To War)
I'll be fighting with you, you, you, you, you
Because it's us against the world
The world, the world
You know it's us against the world
The world, the world, ohh

MISS YOU DEAR LOVELY FRIEND

2009-02-19T18:04:00.000-08:00

WE MISS YOU. WE MISS YOU. WE MISS YOU. WE FUCKING CRAZY MISS YOU DEAR LOVELY FRIEND. WE JUST KNOW THIS.....

ALWAYS BE MY BABY

2009-02-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

hey lovely friend... i'm sorry for everything i done to you..anything make u felt sad, unhappy when u always be with me.. i just don't meant it. and never want hurting u no matter what. thank you coz u always be with me since esam go. thank you that u never put your phone down when i on my way to grand mother funeral. thank you for teaching me read and speak arab back. thank you for the warm hug when i lost and empty. thank you for being friend, best friend, brother and lovely man for me and others. today, after 3 pm.. u not anymore here with us. no smell, no smile, no laugh, no voice... nothing.. just memories left... today, after 3 pm... i cant dial your number anymore... i cant call you crazy man.. i cant go there hug u.. i was thinking now.. can i just walk at Pavilion, look at ELE'S CAFE with my smile... can i just do that without u here? who i suppose to talk when i need book.. when i want to share something.. who? who did i suppose to hug when i miss someone? i don't know why, but my heart, my instinct remind me to get ticket to Melbourne.. I know its not because of someone there.. and now i found, the ticket is actually to visit u there... hey, no matter what.. u part of me, i'm gonna see you before Ramadan.. insya-allah. thank you for treating me like your younger sister. thank you for taking care of me. thank you for every single moment that we had together. sorry, i don't have any gift to u. but the ring, i always carry i give to u. with my name and his name. no point to still keep. its belong to u now. close your eye, hold it.. we around u..trust me, u can feel the love even we far.. i just cant stop u this time coz i know this is the best for u... see u in Adeline soon! LOVE AND ALWAYS IN LOVE WITH YOU BEST FRIEND
We were as one, babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free, yeah
So I'm letting you fly
'cause I know in my heart, babe
Our love will never die, no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry, no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave, girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably,
You'll be back again
'Cause you know in your heart, babe
Our love will never end, no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back, girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder, oh, oh
I know that you'll be right back, baby
Oh baby, believe me, it's only a matter of time

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my, my baby

(You'll always be a part of me)
You will always be
(I'm part of you indefinitely
(Girl, don't you know you can't escape me)
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
(And we'll linger on)
We will linger on
(Time can't erase a feeling this strong
(No way, you're never gonna shake me
(Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby)
Always be my baby...
i just don't know why... but when i sing this song... i found this song suitable to u.. and here, i want u know.. how far we go.. how far the body fly... u always be my baby, best friend...

MY V DAY

2009-02-14T22:36:00.000-08:00

felt so bored... but i'm kinda of lovely girl today. wear red shirt... excited go to office. even i know today still like yesterday... nothing can change me even he there... errmmm... he so busy what else i can say. its ok.. no him life still go on. why so worried right? can finish cases so fast and make me turn my self to being bored silly girl.. was thinking what i can do if he my Mr. V today. where we both go.. did he still wanna hold my hand like the last night we had.. did he still wanna talk to me.. did we have super duper crazy day together... wonder..wonder..wonder.. but he to busy with the old man.. erkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can u just please replace me with him? shit!!! forget it.

my plan suppose to be walk with mak su and pak su... but they ready book ticket for movie. so, i cant join them.. never mind laa.. i still can walk alone. i was so excited.. and i know bukit bintang not the correct place for me. i will get hurt easy there. but i am so stubborn person.. my 1st step there... i saw 3 white man crossing road.. and i just ignoring them.. at my ear, abdullah was talking something dirty story and request.. what ever, i know ili not around u start being disgust man now..

and suddenly.. guess what.. 'excuse me, can you tell us how to go to bukit bintang plaza...' hahahahaha... the 3 white man ask me.. errmm.. i never bother to them.. not really focus.. but, since so free and abdullah sure late.. i just offering my self to help them.. because of me.. they change their trip to Bali. hahaha... see how psycho i am.. we talk, we walk.. we get know each others. everything just perfect.. we walk to get few things at law yat... and... i just pulse few second. ask my self.. my V day not so bad.. i date 3 man on the same time. we laugh, we eat, we talk and sharing story together... can u guys do it? can u have my moment? no right? a'ha... i just too lucky! thank god.. like i said before... no him life still go on...

this is the V DAY gift

not so bad right?

ANYTHING FOR YOU

2009-01-23T07:26:00.000-08:00

i can't be so selfish to let them hurt and suffer because of my desire.. i just cant see any tear and blood drop at their land because of my desire.. i'm honestly know, that i can't do anything except pray that they gonna be safe. but here, i kill my desire to make sure my money not gonna help them kill you dear PALESTINE'S...

TOMORROW IS 21st JANUARY 2009

2009-01-20T04:27:00.000-08:00

MAYBE SHE HAVE THIS??

OR MAYBE SHE BEAUTY LIKE THIS?

ERRMMM.. CONGRATS!!!!

without you

2009-01-17T04:24:00.000-08:00

Without you i live it up a lil more everyday.
Without you i'm seeing myself so differently
I didnt wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When i watched you walk away
Well i never thought i'd say im fine without you.

Cause something changed you've been acting so strange
And its taking its toll on me
Its safe to say that im ready to let you leave

I didnt wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When i watched you walk away
Well i never thought i'd say im fine without you

I just want to be alone tonight
I just want to take a lil breather

WONDERING HOW NICE SEATTLE

2009-01-16T18:05:00.000-08:00

THE ORIGINAL STARBUCKS CAFE

STREET CAR AT PIONEER SQUARE

PIONEER SQUARE

A NARROW STREET NEAR PIKE PUBLIC MARKET

 SEATTLE PUBLIC LIBRARY

SEATTLE SKYLINE

what the stupid thing i done...

2009-01-15T01:41:00.000-08:00

i take a move.. moving my ass and steps..
to ili i inform.. that i'm gonna meet some one last 4 night...
its just coincident.. without planing..
surprise!!!! yes.. i done do it...
and, what the stupid thing i done is..
i just cant focus to that man..
even he hot.. even he got good smell.. even he tall.. even he prefect..
I GUESS!!!!
and the stupid thing is.. i just eating my mash mellow and enjoy the night with the hot coco
errmm.. i am stupid..
my heart want my self get out and continue the life like normal person
but my mind keep remind me about him
and my whole day which is 24hours with his shadow..
what the hell is this??? and i don't know...
i just want continue my life and be normal person
i want meet someone new.. i want have connection with new person
and i do want to be love and in love(this what i and mumu always said)
his shadow following me.. even at night(supposedly no shadow right?)
if last time i'll pray he get good life and happy there..
and now i still do the same thing.. yes, honestly...
i do want your life better.. and i don't want you down or regret...
but, on the same time i don't want replacing you coz for me..
nobody can be you.. which is.. you still part of me
and listen.. not replacing you doesn't mean.. you the one i want
i just cant do that and i want my life back without your shadow..
i want my mind stop remind me about you and my heart can accept anyone new
this is what i want.. not rushing.. but at least.. i can enjoy every moment in my life
even you there enjoy your new life with her... soon

my wonderful night

2009-01-10T05:26:00.000-08:00

i just cant sleep last night.. this is happen so many time..
i do remember when the worse night..
its suck.. sound funny... i just cant sleep..
and start dial everybody..
in Malaysia and out Malaysia..
honestly it suck.. i just think too much..
i need new book to read i guess.. try to think something nice or wonderful
but still.. i do sms few people i guess good in conversation.. but no reply...
yaahh.. friday night.. what you expect...
till.. i get sms from someone.. errrmm..
every words and sentences make me cry.. i was cry till 6 in da morning...
and i called this stupid.. but thank to god.. at least someone reply me and talk to me
even we far.... it help... friday night with tear...

da sad thursday....

2009-01-09T11:11:00.000-08:00

we gonna miss you brother...

few minute before check in..

da crazy!!!

i just too crazy

2009-01-08T08:11:00.000-08:00

mungkin dah gila kot... entah laa kenapa...
nak period kot.. errmmm... tak.. tak..tak..
the reason of the matter is... i just too much read book..
turn my self in to vampire life.. i don't know the life is exist or not..
but i just.. too love it...
since i get that book from time's book shop last week..
pagi petang siang malam aku di bayangi kehidupan vampire..
who care... maybe i just too much.. but i don't mind...
i get some space.. space to think how good to love and be loved..
believe or not.. i found someone.. he look like vampire for me...
lol.... sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just too much...
and so funny... everyday.. i tell him about the chapter on that book..
and now.. he don't mind i call him vampire.. not only calling him vampire..
he also do the same thing.. we call each other vampire.. and so excited...
hahahahahahaha...we did something at our phone..
we save each person number with same name...
guess what????????
VAMPIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my version

deeper CONVERSATION

2008-12-21T05:17:00.000-08:00

Is your favourite colour blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outerspace?
And I'm learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone took a portion of your heart?
And im learning you

And if you don't mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I’d love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I let my guard down for you
And in time you will too

If you don't mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I’d love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

If you don't mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I’d love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

Deeper Conversation(let me..)

OUR SWEET HEART

2008-11-22T12:21:00.000-08:00

baby khaleed..........

no more question and answer..no more

2008-11-16T05:13:00.000-08:00

story about a 20th days ago.....

when question from my mouth... how much you miss me?

and da answer is.. a lot...

and again.. how much da much??

again answer from him... too much.. like da distance from Cyberjaya to Ampang.. Become much more like you walk from here to your place...

this is story about a 20th days ago.. and now.. the story is change... and not only the story..
the situation.. everything.. me, him or us!!!

hey... we change.. i cant use that question.. no more question from me.. no more.. not only question.. but no more answer from you...

and da moment i miss is....

2008-10-28T20:12:00.000-07:00

fuh.... and i seat down again.. look up... and was thinking... what da most i missed... who da most i missed.. where..which... and finally... i found.. my day.. yesterday.. today not like few months before.. don't know what's wrong with me.. i almost forget what i always do... and i try to catch back.. i found da memories... and now..i tried to fix it back.. here.. da most i missed..da most i love.. more than everything.. and here.. this is what i want to concentrate soon.. GREY'S AND FRIEND...
i don't want miss anything about her and her friend's again...

seperti hujan yang di puja kodok

2008-10-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

nak jadi macam hujan..

turun bila di panggil

sunyi.. sepi...

berteman awan.. guruh..

nak jadi macam hujan..

tanpa bersusah merayu..

nak jadi macam hujan..

yang sentiasa di tunggu oleh kodok..

yang sentiasa di puja oleh kodok..

yang sentiasa di nanti oleh kodok..

yang sentiasa di rindu oleh kodok..

yang sentiasa di panggil-panggil...

subuh..senja..utara..timur...

jadi kan seperti hujan...bukan kodok...

jadi kan aku sehebat hujan.. yang di gila kodok..

jauh kan aku.. jauh kan aku seperti kodok..

terdampar..merayu...meghambakan diri...

mahu seperti hujan...

L.O.V.E

2008-09-21T13:55:00.001-07:00

sofee SAY...LOVE IS WHEN HE IS MEAN TO YOU AND YOU STILL WANT HIM, IT'S

WHEN HE IGNORES YOU AND YOU STILL LOVE HIM, IT'S WHEN HE LOVES ANOTHER

GIRL BUT YOU STILL SMLE AND SAY I'M HAPPY FOR YOU, WHEN ALL YOU REALLY

WANT TO DO IS CRY... LOVE? WE THINK ABOUT IT,SING ABOUT IT, DREAM ABOUT

IT, LOSE SLEEP WORRYING ABOUT IT. WHEN WE DON'T HAVE IT, WE SEARCH FOR IT.

WHEN WE DISCOVER IT, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. WHEN WE HAVE IT,

WE FEAR LOSING IT. IT IS THE CONSTANT SOURCE OF PLEASURE AND PAIN.

BE WE CAN'T PREDICT WHICH IT WILL BE FROM ONE MOMENT TO THE NEXT. IT IS A

SHORT WORD, EASY TO SPELL, DIFFICULT TO DEFINE, IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE

WITHOUT. AND HERE, TO FORGET HIM IS LIKE TRYING TO REMEMBER

SOMEONE YOU NEVER MEET...

and here, i'm counting day to turn my self in a bad dream..

SONG FOR ESAM...

2008-09-21T04:58:00.000-07:00

mmmm

there's so much craziness surrounding me
there's so much going on it gets hard to breathe
all my faith has gone you bring it back to me
you make it real for me
well im not sure of my priorities
ive lost site of where im ment to be
and like holy water washing over me

you make it real for me
and IIIIIIIII'm running to you baby
youuu are the only one who save me
that's whyyy ive been missing you lately
cause you make it real for me

when my head is strong but my heart is weak
im full of hurricanes and uncertainty
but I can find the words
you teach my heart to speak

you make it real for meee yeaaa
and iiiiiiiiii'm running to you baby
you are the only one who save me
that's whyyy ive been missing you lately
cause you make it real for me

everybodies talking in words
I don't understand
you got to be the only one
who knows just who I am
and you shine in the distance
I hope I can make it through
cause the only place
that I want to be
is right back home with you

I guess theres so much more
I have to learn
But if you're here with me
I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere,
somewhere I can learn

You make it real for me
And iiiii'm running to you baby
Cause you are the only one who save me
That's why ive been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me
you make it real for me

finally bought some new shoes…

2008-09-18T11:00:00.001-07:00

after few months... after few paids...finally.. soffee get new shoes... yes!!!!

are you ready to be a wife??

2008-09-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

Your best friend from high school just got engaged, and you are the first person she tells. How do you honestly feel?

Happy, but secretly a little nervous. It's a little strange to see people you grew up with getting married. You can't imagine getting married yet... but maybe in a year or to.

What kind of guys are you interested in dating right now?

Someone that you can introduce your parents to... and maybe even imagine a future with. Stability and communication are the most important things for you right now.

You're browsing around at a bookstore, and you notice the section of bridal magazines. What's your reaction?

Browse around a little bit - but then move on to Cosmo, Jane, and Glamour. They're better suited for your life, right now.

Who's most important in your life right now, besides yourself?

The guy you're dating

When it comes to guilty reality TV pleasures, you're all about...

The Bachelor, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and Blind Date.

Think back to the last boyfriend you had (or the one you currently have). When fighting, did you (or do you) seriously consider leaving the relationship?

Occasionally, when things were at their worst

Most of your past relationships lasted:

6-12 months

When you consider getting married in the future, what do you usually think about the most?

How married life will be - what you two will do for each other, when you'll have kids, and how you'll keep your relationship happy.

DA ANSWER IS...

You're Almost Ready to Get Married, But Not Quite

No doubt that you've warmed up to the idea of marriage and life long love
You just aren't quite ready to follow up with your desires, yet.
You may be a bit young, or a bit commitment phobic... give it time.
Concentrate on guys who you can imagine being with next year. Forever can wait.

PADAMU KUBERSUJUD by AFGAN

2008-09-14T07:23:00.000-07:00

Ku Menatap Dalam Kelam
Tiada Yang Bisa Kulihat
Selain Hanya Namamu, Ya Allah
Esok Ataukah Nanti
Ampuni Semua Salahku
Lindungi Aku Dari
Segala Fitnah
Kau Tempatku Meminta
Kau Beriku Bahagia
Jadikan Aku Selamanya
Hambamu Yang Selalu Bertaubat
Ampuniku Ya Allah
Yang Sering Melupakanmu
Saat Kau Limpahkan Karuniamu
Dalam Sunyi Aku Bersujud
Esok Ataukah Nanti
Ampuni Semua Salahku
Lindungi Aku Dari
Segala Fitnah
Kau Tempatku Meminta
Kau Beriku Bahagia
Jadikan Aku Selamanya
Hambamu Yang Selalu Bertaubat
Ampuniku Ya Allah
Yang Sering Melupakanmu
Saat Kau Limpahkan Karuniamu
Dalam Sunyi Aku Bersujud
Kau Tempatku Meminta
Kau Beriku Bahagia
Jadikan Aku Selamanya
Hambamu Yang Selalu Bertaubat
Ampuniku Ya Allah
Yang Sering Melupakanmu
Saat Kau Limpahkan Karuniamu
Dalam Sunyi Aku Bersujud
Padamu

SEPI

2008-07-05T19:52:00.000-07:00

Rasa berat sangat.. Dalam hati ni, rasa sesuatu.. Yang tak boleh nak di keluarkan. Nak nangis belum tentu boleh hilang. Nak ketawa... Rasa macam menipu diri sendiri. Nak lari?? Tapi kemana... Fuhhh.. Sepi tu indah ke?? Indah ke macam ada bunga-bunga sakura gugur?? Sepi tu menyakitkan ke?? Macam jatuh scooter melambung...kebaboom cium jalan tar?? Atau sepi tu tanpa perasaan... Sepi pada aku?? Sunyi.. Tanpa ketawa dari adik-beradik.. Kosong macam rumah yang baru siap... Tanpa warna-warna yang ceria.. Mendung... Bagai awan yang sarat mengandung air... Hiba...Pedih..Macam kena cubit... Sebak.. ermmm.. Sebak.. Perasaan tu menyakitkan.. Sepi ke aku?? Sepi ke tanpa mummy tersayang? Sepi ke aku tanpa abang dan adik-adik? Sepi ke aku tanpa dia yang boleh di jadikan teman malam? Sepi ke aku bila hari-hari yang datang bertemankan buku-buku dan kerja?? Sepi ke kehidupan ni kalau tak pergi berhibur??? Itu sepi ke???? Tapi "SEPI" yang kat pawagam tu lain.. "SEPI" tu penuh dengan kasih sayang... Kasih sayang yang hilang dan datang... Kongsi sikit pasal "SEPI" dengan kamu semua.
Sepi (menurut sinopsis dari laman web rasmi) adalah sebuah kisah berkisar’kan tiga individu lelaki yang hidup di’bandar mengenal erti cinta, kehilangan & kesepian.

Sepi hati terjadi lagi
Mungkin sampai mati aku sepi
Biar senyum hadir di hariku
namun ini hanya ada di bibir
di bibir saja

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti
walaupun yang lain mau mengerti
Namun berat beban hidupku
biarkan saja
Biar saja hanya ku yang tahu

Dan, filem ini juga menampilkan pelakon-pelakon wanita yang bukan calang-calang. Afdlin Shauki dipasangkan dengan Vanida Imran & Nasha Aziz. Pelakon wanita utama lain adalah Eja & Baizura Kahar. Rozita Che Wan & Sazzy Falak juga ada sebagai pembantu. Walaupun filem ini dipenuhi dengan pelakon wanita yang terbaik di Malaysia, filem ini aku rasa lebih kepada filem yang berkisarkan kehidupan lelaki dalam dunia hari ini.

Di dalam mimpi kita berdua
Mesra bersama dilamun cinta
Oh tetapi kenyataannya aku sedar kau ada dia

Mungkin juga semuanya salah ku
Terlalu mengharapkan cinta
Tapi sepi yang merasuk kalbu
Membawa angan melayang

Di dalam mimpi kita berdua
Mesra bersama dilamun cinta
Oh tetapi kenyataannya aku sedar kau ada dia

Adam adalah seorang chef muda yang berjaya — pakar dalam bidang pembuatan manisan (kek) untuk majlis perkahwinan tetapi masih bujang dan sedang mencari pasangannya sendiri. Kemudian, seorang lagi insan bernama Sufi yang berlari berbatu-batu sehari sebagai percubaan untuk melupuskan memori bersama isteri’nya yang telah meninggal dunia. Seorang lagi bernama Ariel (atau Khalif?) yang merupakan penggiat teater sedar yang pentas teater adalah tempat dimana masa silamnya mampu di selesaikan dan masa depannya mampu di lihat. All three stranfers are inevitably linked to a single dramatic moment that transforms their lives forever.

Dahulu kau mencintaiku
Dahulu kau menginginkanku….
Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku
Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku….
Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku…
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku….

Aku menyesal tlah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu…

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku

SEPI
Bisikku pada bulan
Kembalikan temanku
Kekasihku, syurgaku

Tanpa dia malam menemaniku
Sepi memelukku

Bulan jangan biar siang biar malam ini kelam
Biar ia sepi sepertiku

MAN (what i want)

2008-06-08T10:21:00.000-07:00

MAN??? Thankful to GOD for created them. Such are good thing in this world for me. Maybe because I'm not gay. And maybe because I do need man to complete my day. Like someone said to me.. GOD created woman for man. And of coz man. They been create for woman.

What I want from someone we call man.. What?? Kinda stuck with that question sometime. I'm tired when I try get that awnser. Why?? I don't know.. Honestly. But why I cant get some awnser it's because sometime they treat us like shit. And make me hate them so much.

Rite now.. Now.. In my mind. What I want from man is... I wanna he had cute head.. With little bit hair. Kinda botak... But not botak like Riduan Hashim.. No... No...Not like him.. Don't get wrong. Wanna put my finger at his head. Wanna kiss his head. Thats it... Can I??

What else I want? I wanna he had nice smell. Something at his mouth, naturally. Without any perfume and any smell from tooth paste. Horny smell that I can get when I seat beside him. Smell I can get when I wake up early morning, when he drop me at my home... Smell... Smell.. The horny smell my nose can detect from them.. I luv that. Can I get???

I wanna he had sweet smile... Sweet smile.. Sweet smile.. Sweet skin. Sweet kiss. Manis... Manis... Manis.. Semua nya manis. Tak kisah laa dia kulit gelap pun. Asalkan manis. Tak payah laa bagi baby face, comey-comey,mata sepet cam cina... Rambut pacak-pacak... Kulit putih.. Tak nak!!!!!!

Wanna he had something n his mind. Plan for his life. Know what he want in this world. Not only fuck and suck!!! Tak nak laa kalau otak lembab. Asyik nak have fun. O'o.. I can't stay with man like this. Saya nak yang kuat kerja. Tak letih nak belajar benda baru. Saya tak suka orang malas... Malas... No...No.No..
I hate people lazy!!

I want he appreciate anything infront him.. I want he know how to treat woman. I wont lisent with reason. I hate that. No body can say no to me. Include him. You have to say yes for anything I request. You have to say yes. Treat me like doll and wont leave me when football fever come or when your fucking friend around. Don't leave me.. Please.... :(

Wanna he love me.. Pick me. Choose me. Lick me. Bite me.. Gosh!!!! Hahahahahahahaha... Wanna hot man. When you close to them. You can feel the warm skin. Such are heater.. Wow~ Lol... I'm kidding ok.. Hot.. Someone can heat you when you get cold. I wanna man like that. Tall than me it could be easy for him to cuddle me. When he tall, sure he got nice hand and arm... Errmmm... For me.. For me.. For me.. Only for me...

I wanna someone with chase.. Chase!!!! Not breast... I wont man with breast. Yaks!!!! Can I buy bra for you honey??? Come on.. Let woman with her breast, don't make 2 people wearing bra kissing each other. So please... Get chase not breast... Or maybe you want me ask milk from you??? Do you want that???

Ermmm... Not easy.. not easy.. But this is what I want. Now!!!! This is.. Kinda good man with good smell with sweet smile without breast. I want this!!! Man... Man.. Man.. Someone cant make me fool and someone wont be fool because of woman. Anyone out there????

TELL ME MORE... PLEASE

2008-05-25T09:42:00.000-07:00

Honestly i never knoe u like coffee and tea!

I try to think which part when I'm with U, U be are funny guy, and I do knoe that U

are weird, and not so sure U are friendly, no idea when U said U are recognisable.

I'm so shock when U tell people that u crazy bout food, surprise when U can go miles

searching for good food I do knoe like hell that U never like girls who says that

they love to lepak at mamak. And like U said mamak has no proper place to sit nor

their food is makan-able! I wanna tell you that U are egoism people and sound suck

when U hate egoistic people. Because U not sportsman, star & west thats why I do like

and try to understand U. Never knoe that Ur hero is Dr.M. "I'm picky with whom i mix

with"..(what ever, apa u cakap u selalu betul.. benci!) "FIRST IMPRESSION IS ALWAYS A

DIFFERENT PERCEPTION. Get knowing me! u wont regret it as i consider myself ISO 90002

certified! When u said u got ISO 90002", I wish when come to my apartment U can show

me. Not so sure other people knoe this or not but lucky U understand about

Ur mood... Yup true.. "when I'm moody then I'm really bad, I'll give a big NO tag to

people" I HATE YOU SO MUCH WHEN YOU MOODY.. COZ THAT TIME I SURE KENA SOUND WITHOUT

ANY REASON..IT'S HURT ME. "Take life to the fullest as we know life is short, every

moments are ours to cherish!" I like this words... Is it true?? Why u think something

like i think?? And when u talk about mistake.. True.. We have to learn from

mistake... I also do mistake.. And u still keep sounding me.. Why not U manja me...

:( U said "mistake are bound to happen, learning from it is a must! sometimes i just

wish i can turn back the clock, but there's ain't any perfectionist out there.Isn't it?

So Forgive the Forgiven..." I wish U do follow what U said... Tell me more... Tell

me other thing in Ur mind... Tell me.. Coz I'm not regret to knoe that... I think I

miss alot of thing when I saw Ur page.. Tell me.. Tell me.. Tell me please...